On games...

Kara: Aw, I felt like we were that game! Tetris.

On digestion...

Jenna: I was over at my friend's house, and my stomach kept doing that! And they were like, "Are you hungry?" and I was like, "No! I'm just gidesting."

On profanity...

Lisa: Would you rather be a marine with scant bladder control or a chess grandmaster with Tourette's syndrome?
Jenna: What's Tourette's?
Lisa: Random bouts of swearing.
Jenna: Oh, then the second one. I'd rather swear than pee.

On choices...

Lisa: Would you rather fight Mike Tyson, or talk like him?
Jenna: I don't know.
Kara: I'd talk like him. What? I like his accent.

On extracurriculars...

Laura: (sarcastically, while holding Kara's basketball jersey) Look everyone. I'm a basketball player. Woo.
Kara: No, Laura. You're the dancer.

On Shakespeare...

Kara: To be, or to not to be.
Lisa: That is not the question.
Dad: Hey, Kara. Who wrote that?
Kara: Hamlet. You can ask me anything. I'm practically genius.

On math quizzes...

Kara: I got a 100% on my math quiz today!
Dad: What was it over?
Kara: Um, rascals...
Lisa: Ratios?
Kara: Yeah, those. And Porpors.
Jenna: Proportions?
Kara: Uh-huh.

On helping out...

Mom: Laura, I'm telling you for the last time. Get out there and help me bring in groceries!
Laura: All right! I'll go. But I'm pretendin' I lost both my arms in 'Nam.

On personal attributes...

Mom: Kara, you're just a brat.
Lisa: Come on, Mom. She's not just a brat. She's short and ugly, too.

On alternative lifestyles...

Mom: So I'm standing there, and I'm thinking, 'This is a transvestite. This is what I'm looking at.'

On flowers...

Laura: Who'd want those? They smell terrible! [pause] Aw, who'm I kidding. They smell great!

On saying no to drugs...

Mom: Okay, Kara. Give me four ways to say No to drugs.
Kara: Just say no, cold shoulder, reverse the pressure, or... just try 'em.

On spelling...

[after a conversation about how Chihuahua doeesn't look like it's pronounced]
Jessie: Yeah, just like 'Hors d'Oeuvres.'
Kara: And 'buffet!'
Jessie: (sarcastically) Uh, yeah. Cuz it's got that tricky hidden letter.
Kara: (seriously) Yeah. F.

On leg exercises...

Dad: Know how to make them even harder? Stand on a 2 x 4.
Kara: A 2 x 4? What's that?
Dad: A piece of wood.
Kara: Oh. I thought it was some kind of vehicle.
Dad: No. That's a 4 x 4.