On drool...

Noah is blowing raspberries at Myla.
Laura: Be careful, you're spitting on her. She doesn't like spit.
Noah: Yes she does. She drools all the time.

On da club...

Noah is walking around in dress-up high heels.
Laura: Ain't no shame for a child to learn stiletto.
Laura and Kara: Stiletto, pumps, in the club!
Noah: In the clubhouse!

On the mouths of babes...

While watching Sleeping Beauty.
Laura: Aurora rhymes with Laura. Should I be called Princess Laura?
Noah: You're not a princess.
Laura; whispered: I would be if I married a prince!
Noah: There are no princes in this world!
Laura: Ain't that the truth.

On dentition...

Noah: Everyone is laughing at me with their... big teeth.

On dreams...

Noah: Mommy, in my dream you gave me a sucker and when I woke up, I didn't have it anymore! Why does that happen?
Jessie: Because dreams aren't real, it's just what you're thinking when you're sleeping.
Noah: Oh. So if I close my eyes more, can I eat it?

On road trips...

Noah: Are we there?
Laura: No, Noah.
Jessie: Do you remember when we went to Florida and we were in the car for a really really long time?
Noah: Yeah...
Laura: This is just like Florida. But the payoff isn't nearly as good.

On sucrose...

Noah: Cookies aren't good for your body!
Laura: Yes they are!
Noah: No they are not!
Laura: They help your hair grow! Look how long my hair is! I eat cookies all the time!

On flatulence...

Jessie and Noah sitting outside on hammock. Noah farts. Thirty seconds pass.
Noah: Mommy, did you fart?
Jessie: NO! You did!
Noah: I did?
Jessie: Yeah.
Noah: I did.

On timing meals...

At 9:00 am:
Noah: Daddy, can I have some candy after lunch?
Adam: Yes, Noah. After lunch.
Pause.
Noah: Daddy? Can you make my lunch now?

On changing allegiences...

Kara: Noah, that baby used to be mine. Her name was Nicole.
Noah: Kara. Hey, Kara. She doesn't like you.
Kara: I raised her!

On adding a sibling...

Jessie: Noah, should Mommy and Daddy have another baby?
Noah: No, that would be awful.
Jessie: Noah! Don't say that, it would be fun! Remember how tiny Jocelyn was and how you could hold her and she just slept all the time...
Noah: Ok, fine. Go ahead and do it.

On childhood exclamations...

While playing with a toy.
Noah: C'mon, you crease-a-crap!

On peeing her pants...

Noah upset about something during dinner, crying.
Noah: NO! Don't do this to me, PEE!

On names...

Adam teaching Noah everyone's name...
Adam: Do you know what Daddy's name is?
Noah: I don't know.
Adam: What does Mommy call me sometimes?
Noah: Idiot?

On dinner...

Lisa: Noah, what do you want for dinner?
Noah: French fries.
Jessie: Shocker.
Noah: Don't shock me! I'm a friend!

On sweet dreams...

Noah: Goodnight, Jocelyn! Have good dreams!
Lisa: Aww, that was nice, Noah. What do you dream about?
Noah, muttering: Shut. Up.

On interrogation...

Jenna: Noah, did you hide my phone?
Noah: No.
Jenna: Did you touch it?
Noah: Yes.
Jenna: Noah. Where. Is. My. Phone?
Noah: I. Don't. Know.
Kara: All right Noah, cut the crap.
Noah: You cut the crap, Kara!

On Donald's agent...

Noah sees a picture of Mickey Mouse, Goofy and Donald Duck.
Noah: Look! It's Mickey and Goofy and a little chicken!

On limitations...

Noah: Daddy you're not a princess! You're not wearing a skirt!
Dad: That's the only thing holding you back, Adam.

On vocabulary...

Laura: Noah, you should be careful or that will hit you in your noggin again.
Noah: stares at Laura
Laura: Noah, do you know what your noggin is? Where's your noggin?
Noah: Uh, it's at home.