On learning...

Kara: I have learned so much about erectile dysfunction.
Jenna: I didn't know what you were going to say there. Well, tell us.

On good conversationalists...

Jenna mumbles something.
Lisa: What?
Jenna: Nothing. I was talking to my candy corn.

On words...

Jessie: I hate when ribs are too fatty, then it's like, bouncy when you eat them.
Lisa: Bouncy?
Jessie: Yeah, bouncy.
Jenna: It's lobulated.
Jessie: Yeah! Lobulated! You sound smarter than me.

On New Years' resolutions...

Jenna: Look at that. You know what that is? Butter, sugar and milk. You know what I'm adding it to? Peanut butter.

On beetles...

Lisa: It looks like a stag beetle.

Jenna: A WHAT beetle?

Lisa: Stag.

Jenna: Oh I thought you said stab. Stag is much better.

On skills...

Mom: You all can have side careers! Lisa, publishing books. Jessie and Jenna, photography...
Jenna: Laura and Kara don't have anything to offer.
Mom: Laura pole dances on Saturdays.

On space...

Mom: I got pants that say "Colts" on the rear.
Dad: Does it say "Indianapolis Colts?"
Mom: No, you ass. There wasn't room for-
Dad: "The Indianapolis Colts?" "2006 World Champion Indianapolis Colts?"
Mom: I hate-
Jenna: It has the roster too.
Mom: ...you idiots.

On grossness...

Jenna: Ugh, my toenail is all scraggly.
Dad: Ew, Jenna. TMI.
Jenna: That's TMI? Oh, I could tell you way more gross things about myself.

On Olympic parades...

Parade of nations.
Jenna: Fast forward. Who gives a shit.

On British classes...

Lisa: Kara said we could go to her classes. I think that sounds fun.
Laura: Well we don't. I want to be somewhere else. Eating.

On stopping it...

Jenna: Hey! Quit creepin'!
Mom: I'll creep if I want to!

On allergies...

Laura: What are you allergic to?
Kara I don't know.
Laura: Your eyes are all watery!
Kara: I know.
Jenna: Your nose is all red!
Kara: I know.
Laura: Your face is all ugly. Oh that's not related.

On homophones...

Laura: Did you just fart?
Jenna: I burped.
Laura: Your burps sound like farts.

On wildlife pronunciation...

Speaking about a leopard...
Jenna: ...and there was a libra...a leo...what?

On Badonkadonks...

Jenna: Mom, you have a huge a.

Mom: I know - Dad always sings that song, 'I like the big girls that have the big butts....and I cannot lie.'

When Dad was questioned later he replied, "I NEVER sing that song."

On Pickles...

Jenna: I hate sweet pickles. It's like they're trying to be candy.

On accountability...

Jenna: What's Jessie doing tomorrow?
Mom: Obviously I don't keep track of her or she wouldn't be pregnant.

On logic...

Jenna: When was Azazel [the ferret] dying? 
Laura: Right before she died.

On sleeping...

Jenna: That's the scariest place in the house at night.
Lisa: But my room's in the basement. I sleep down there.
Jenna: I could never do it. I don't know how you do. I fear for your life down there... I pray for you every night.

On Spoonerisms...

Jenna is describing a book.
Jenna: ...and they didn't have a coroner, so they were waiting for the Peace of Justice.