On thinking...

Laura: I don't really want one of those. They're too rectangular.
Lisa: What do you want? An octahedral camera? Yeah. Think about that.
Laura: ...I can't.

On scents...

Jenna: Look at the purse I got at Victoria's Secret! And it came with these lotions and stuff, in the scent I like.
Lisa: What is it, 'Eau de Whore'?
Mom: (smells the lotion) No, it's 'Slut.'
Lisa: Wow. I think that's the first time you'll be added to the website for being funny, not stupid.

On being cool...

Mom: Kara, drinking doesn't make you cool! You think I drink because I'm cool? No, I drink because I have five kids and they drive me insane!

On ambiguity...

Lisa: Yeah, well. My car just has an 'S,' so it can stand for anything I want it to. Super. Sexy.
Dad: Stupid.
Lisa: Shut up.

Lake Cumberland - Day Three

Lisa: Look- that's the cave I'll live in if I ever become a pirate.
Kara: Way up there?
Lisa: Yeah, it has to be hard to get to or the other pirates will steal my booty.
Kara: Booty?
Lisa: Yeah. Loot. Swag. Stuff I steal- booty.
Kara. Oh. I wanna be a pirate.

Kara: Look! I'm a water spider!

Laura: You just kicked her crack!
Mom: You kicked my anus!
Kara: No, I kicked your ass!

Laura: Yeah I'm never wearing that [bridesmaid dress] again.
Mom: Well you could. You could just wear the top, with some jeans. Like the store lady said.
Laura: That would look ridiculous.
Mom: I think it would look bitchin'.

Kara: Laura, you should get a Southern accent. They're cute.
Jenna: Yeah, anything to help.

Kara: Is it normal to look forward to eating?
Laura (at the same time as Lisa): It's normal for fat people.
Lisa (at the same time as Laura): It's normal for Laura.

Laura: Hey guys, look! It's a TOE-HAWK!




Laura: No, no! It's a COCKA-TOE!

On sister bonding...

Jenna: Know what I really really want?
Lisa: For me to care what you're going to say next?

On songs...

Kara: This song makes me feel like I'm Jell-O!

On competition...

Mom: (about a 2 year old boy at our house for the day) ...and he ate a whole grilled cheese sandwich!
Jenna: So? I can do that.

On getting what you want...

Kara: Make chocolate chip cookies!
Dad: All you do is make demands.
Kara: Shut up.

On secret pockets. . .

Kara: Seriously I could fill this blister up with soda and drink from it!

Lake Cumberland 2005 - Day Two

Mom: Who wants to skinny dip?
Laura: You're not allowed to and I'm not interested.

Laura: Even when I shower I don't feel clean.
Kara: That's my motto, too. So I don't shower at home.

Mom: Now I know how the ugly duckling feels.

Laura: Why dive when you can flop in like a dead cow?

Kara (excitedly): What if it was Simon Cowell? And we got his autograph?
Laura: I wouldn't want his autograph. I'd wanna sing for him.

Laura: What color are your eyes?
Kara: I have eyes that change color according to my surroundings.
Laura: That's ugly.

Kara: I'm just puttin' my tube up here, but I reckon everyone'll be inside soon.

Lake Cumberland 2005 - Day One

Kara: Guess whose foot can fit through somebody's crack?

Kara: I could be in the circus.

Lisa: What kind of detergent does she use?
Kara: I think she uses Downty.

Small boys on the houseboat docked next to ours honk their horn incessantly
Dad: Boy, I hope they don't park near us.
Lisa: Really? Cuz I hope their boat sinks. C'mon, we were all thinkin' it."

On gradations of wrong...

Kara: Illegal's not that bad.

On non-friends...

Laura: (to puppy about the cat) She'll maul you, and then vomit on your carcass. For that is the way of the Siamese.

On weeding out the uglies...

Kara: I'm so glad Jessie's not a Kinsley anymore. Now we're all pretty!

On that song...

Lisa: What is this guy singing? Oh Chariot?
Kara: Yeah, why?
Lisa: Because that's just... stupid.
Kara: Why?
Lisa: Chariots? The two-wheeled jobs the Romans used to ride around in?
Kara: No! They're those things that are pulled by horses.
Lisa: We're talking about the same thing.
Kara: Then we're on the same page here.

On personal property...

Kara: Ah! You're holding my swimsuit! Oh no, you're revealing my property!

On puppy names...

Laura: That one looks retarded.
Mom: Yeah. His name is Laura.

On sharing...

Kara: Laura, I can't believe you don't have a strapless bra for me to borrow!
Laura: Kara! Well, A... that's your size. I'm a B.

On how to look sexy...

Laura: Yeah, it's hard to look sexy with your head covered by your shirt.
Lisa: Well, I guess that depends on what your head looks like.

On hair care...

(Kara swings her hair around like a demented supermodel and picks up a brush.)
Kara: Is this a dog brush?
Lisa: Yup.
Kara: Very well.
(Begins brushing her hair with said dog brush.)

On tender moments...

Laura: Aw... I got syrup on my boob when I hugged my cake!

On costs...

Mom: ...and they took their whole family there!
Dad: That's a few bucks.
Mom: That's a LOT of few bucks!

On tastes...

Kara: This tastes like pure garbage.
Jenna: How do you know what garbage tastes like?
Kara: I used to eat rocks.

On new developments...

Mom: I just keep finding hairs on my chest!

On repitition...

Lisa: People always repeat themselves in movies, and no one does that in real life. Except for me. Except... for me.

On speed limits...

Mom: Come on! The speed limit is 45, not 'feel free to stop and look at Reggie's!'

On cats...

Mom: How would you like to have a cat flung at your head?

On phones...

Laura: That's my thing lately, when I'm sick of talking on the phone, I just say, ''Kay, bye!'
Lisa: Then they hang up and talk about what a jerk you are.
Laura: But I'm off the phone, and that's really the point, isn't it?

On bras...

Jessie: Have you ever seen a 'D' bra?
Lisa: Yeah, it's like a couple of feed bags.

On The X-Files Movie...

Mom: That's why you never go down a hole. Don't go down there! Right, Rick? 'Cuz you think they're your friends and then they cover it with dirt! Ugh.


Mom: That's why any corn that's not frozen in a bag is dangerous.


Mom: Yeah, asses! I never saw 'ass' pluralized like that. I like it. It's like 'gases.'


Mom: You guys, I can't stay up this late! In a half an hour, I'm the Easter Bunny!


Mom: He's not gonna kill you. He likes you! That's why he told you everything and helped you find Scully. Well, I don't know. He might blow your brains out.


Lisa: Hey, Jenna- do you know what GPS stands for?
Jenna: Global... positioning...
Jessie: PSYCHO! Heh.


Mom: Why don't you keep your aliens in a nice place?


Mom: This could be going on in our own backyard and we wouldn't even know it! But I'd know it first. Because I garden.


Mom: (gasp) It's a reversal of roles! (nods knowingly)


Mom: I think it's neat that corn has tassles.


Jessie: Man, tell me some of these things before you say them!
Mom: I say weird things when I'm tired.
Lisa: You sound like you're drunk.
Mom: I'm drunk on life.

On feeding time...

Mom: (calling from her cell phone from the main floor) What are you doing?
Lisa: (in basement on her cell phone) Typing. Why?
Mom: (ten feet above Lisa's head) It sounds like gremlins eating out of a bowl.
Lisa: (a five second walk down the stairs) It sounds like what?
Mom: (seriously calling a location she is technically already at) If I ever make a movie and need sounds for gremlins eating out a bowl, I'm gonna call you.

On accessories...

Lisa: So you're buying clothes at Wal*Mart now, too?
Jessie: Yeah! It's a poncho, but it has this big ugly flower attached to it.
Lisa: Funny- I would have said that the flower had a big ugly poncho attached to it.

On natural beauties...

Kara: Wow- look how pretty I am in that picture. I don't need any makeup. Look at those eyes!

On beans...

Mom: You know, these are good cold, right out of the can.
Lisa: Gross. But that'd make you a really good hobo.
Mom: I've thought that before. Me and my beans by the side of the railroad track, carrying my stick with a hankerchief on it. Hobo Debbie.

On shoes...

Lisa: Yeah, but those shoes are ugly.
Mom: Well, some are pretty and some are ugly. Just like people. Jenna?
Jenna: Huh?

On church...

Mom: Man, we just came outta church and I hate everybody. Oh- sorry. Pray for me.

On eew...

Mom: Wow! Look at this long hair that I just pulled out of my foot!

On super powers...

Mom: Who did I look like just then?
Jessie: Uh, Spiderman?
Mom: Yes. Although it would be very ironic if I was Spiderman. Because I hate spiders.
Lisa: And also because you're a woman.
Mom: That too. And I can tell you one thing, I wouldn't be flying around the city like he was in that movie if I knew my web was gonna run out. That was just stupid. I tell ya what I'd do, I'd just stay safe in my laundry room. Doin' laundry. And fft! hanging up clothes on webs. Fft! Hang. Fft! Hang. And Rick would come home, and say "Hey! I can't get in the house! The room is full of webs! And clothes." And I'd be like, "Hello! Yes, because I'm Spiderman, and I'm doing laundry!" Fft!

On blatant lies...

Jenna: How long is the Tour de France?
Kara: I don't know.
Jenna: I know, I wasn't asking you.
Kara: It's one hundred and four miles. [loud stage whisper] That's not true. I just wanna see how it will play out.

On classic stories...

Jenna: It's like one of those trees from The Thorax!
Lisa: Uh, The Lorax?

On kids...

Mom: RICK! I don't like some of the kids that we've had!

On horns...

Jenna: I don't think I've ever heard your horn. Honk it!
Lisa honks it
Jenna: Aw, that's so cute!
Lisa: No, it's not cute. It's fearsome and authoritative.
Jenna: SO cute.

On studying...

Lisa: This is why I hate helping you study.
Kara: Why?
Lisa: Because you don't know anything!