On scents...

Jenna: Look at the purse I got at Victoria's Secret! And it came with these lotions and stuff, in the scent I like.
Lisa: What is it, 'Eau de Whore'?
Mom: (smells the lotion) No, it's 'Slut.'
Lisa: Wow. I think that's the first time you'll be added to the website for being funny, not stupid.

On being cool...

Mom: Kara, drinking doesn't make you cool! You think I drink because I'm cool? No, I drink because I have five kids and they drive me insane!