On the perks of reality tv...

Mom: Man, these little people get to do everything!
Lisa: Yeah, all you have to do is get a reality show is have a billion kids or be really short.
Mom: No kidding!
Lisa: So really, you should have a show by now.

On Holding Grudges...

Mom: I remember when that girl was so mean to Laura...but I guess that was years and years ago.
Jessie: But it seems like just yesterday to you I bet.
Mom: Yup, its still fresh up here!
points to head
Jessie: you know, holding a grudge is like drinking poison and thinking it will kill your enemy.
Mom: False.

On Looks...

Adam buzzed his hair - Jessie does not like it.
Jessie: You look like you're wearing a helmet.
Adam: Awesome.

On SATs...

Laura: When I took the SATs there was a guy in my class cheating off the girl next to him.
Kara: What an idiot.
Laura: I know; the tests are all different.
Kara: Yeah and the questions are all . . . rambled . . . and jambled.

On Window tinting...

Laura: Well then my car would be 'murdered out'.
Jessie: What?!
Laura: Yeah, 'murdered out'. Doesn't anyone speak street?
Everyone: No!
Mom: I do.

On undergarments...

Mom puts on bra in the middle of the family room. Doorbell rings.
Mom: OH! Someone's here!
Jenna: It's probably Matt.
Mom finishes up.
Mom: Just in the nick of time!
Jessie: More like the nip of time.

On Gonads...

Mom: Did I just hear my favorite word 'gonads'?!
Lisa: Mom, go ahead and grab a dictionary and look that up.
Mom: I can read it - I can't reach it. Do you think its in the children's dictionary? Here it is...oh its male or female! Ovaries or...this other word.

On Anatomy...

Mom: Madi, quit licking your gonads!
entire room shouts at Mom to stop using that word
Mom: What are 'gonads'? Someone google 'gonads' for me.