On Bad Days...

Dad: What's the phrase? FOL? F my L?
Laura: FML!
Dad: FML. Squared!

On timing meals...

At 9:00 am:
Noah: Daddy, can I have some candy after lunch?
Adam: Yes, Noah. After lunch.
Pause.
Noah: Daddy? Can you make my lunch now?

On Phonics...

Mom: It should be "Ex-Zavier"
Laura: So you're saying it should also be "Ex-Zylophone"?
Mom: Oh I don't like that word. And I don't like the thing. It doesn't have to be a part of my life.

On Vocabulary...

Jenna: . . . and it was pendulating.
Laura: You mean 'undulating'?
Jenna: WHAT?! Is that even a word?
Kara: She didn't mean undulating. I've never even heard that before.
Jenna: I know, right? I meant pendulating.
Kara: Oh. Like a pendulum!
Jenna: I'm on track with that.

On Driving...

Kara: Ugh. I can't even tell where the road is. I really need to start wearing glasses at night when I drive.
Laura: Wow. That's really comforting as I'm sitting shotgun. In my own car. FML.

On priorities...

Kara: Did you see the last episode of Grey's?
Lisa: Yeah, I liked it more than usual. It was more about interesting medical stuff than the doctors trying to find someone on staff they haven't slept with yet.
Kara: Oh. I think we watch that show for different reasons.

On hoarding...

Mom: Rick, don't throw away these almond containers! I keep these!
Dad: Oh, sorry.
Lisa: Dad, if you throw all her stuff away she'll never get to be on Hoarders.
Mom: Yeah!

On child development...

Lisa: What if instead of the Easter Bunny, you told kids that there was an Easter Monkey? It'd be so easy to mess kids up.

On eating...

Jenna: Yeah, the outsides are brown but the middle will be all raw and gloppy.
Dad: Well I can eat the middle then.
Jenna: Dad, I'm not worried. You eat anything.

On superhero origins...

Mom: When does he go outside and get his parents killed?
Jenna: What?
Lisa: This is Spiderman. His parents died before the first movie... you're thinking of Batman.
Jenna: HA!
Mom: What?

On Chuck...

Mom, as she leaves the room: Well, this looks like a dumb show. Enjoy.

On lookalikes...

Mom: Is she from the three little car movie?
Lisa: The three little car movie?
Mom: Yeah, with the three little cars.
Lisa: The Italian job?
Mom: Yeah!
Lisa: No.

On Wow-Wear...

Lisa: Ugh! Stop saying Wow-Wear!
Laura: I'm gonna wear Wow-Wear on my wedding day. And on my wedding night.

On hybrids...

Jenna: She looks like a stripper crossed with a ballerina.
Lisa: Stripperina.
Laura: Balleripper.

On resemblances...

Lisa: Ugh! She looks like a Duggar with makeup.
Kara: What's a Duggar?

On chatter...

Kara: This one sucks. I mean it's awesome, but I've already seen it. What else is on? Is that Four Weddings show on? I'm going to bed soon.
Lisa: Shut up!

On giving...

Kara: So ladies, want to donate to my Red Cross cause?
Laura: I'll give you a high five. Or a pat on the back. Or a smack on the butt.
Jenna: I'll match that.

On specifics...

Laura: That girl is UGLY.
Lisa: Yes.
Kara: We are bitches.
Pause.
Jenna: I'm trying to figure out what part of her face makes her so ugly.
Laura: I think it's the whole combination.

On options...

Kara: I need new bras. One of them is ripped and falling apart, and one of them is... the other one.