On learning...

Kara: I have learned so much about erectile dysfunction.
Jenna: I didn't know what you were going to say there. Well, tell us.

On good conversationalists...

Jenna mumbles something.
Lisa: What?
Jenna: Nothing. I was talking to my candy corn.

On words...

Jessie: I hate when ribs are too fatty, then it's like, bouncy when you eat them.
Lisa: Bouncy?
Jessie: Yeah, bouncy.
Jenna: It's lobulated.
Jessie: Yeah! Lobulated! You sound smarter than me.

On funds...

Lisa: Oh, the MDA telethon is tonight.
Mom: Why is the NBA having a telethon?!

On television...

Mom: Have you watched that show 'Splash?'
Lisa: Hell no. I watch shows about zombies. And about fat people. That's my jam.

On Bluetooth technology...

Mom: You'll have to look at my Bluetooth, it isn't working. I put it next to the phone and said, "Be one!" But nothing happened.

On New Years' resolutions...

Jenna: Look at that. You know what that is? Butter, sugar and milk. You know what I'm adding it to? Peanut butter.