On adding a sibling...

Jessie: Noah, should Mommy and Daddy have another baby?
Noah: No, that would be awful.
Jessie: Noah! Don't say that, it would be fun! Remember how tiny Jocelyn was and how you could hold her and she just slept all the time...
Noah: Ok, fine. Go ahead and do it.

On childhood exclamations...

While playing with a toy.
Noah: C'mon, you crease-a-crap!

On peeing her pants...

Noah upset about something during dinner, crying.
Noah: NO! Don't do this to me, PEE!

On foodstuffs...

Lisa: You are retarded.
Mom: Oh, this isn't edible! It's a bead!

On definitions...

TV: It means we were obsolete.
Mom: nods wisely.
Jenna: You don't even know what that means.
Mom: Yes, I do. It means we're see-through. Or not see-through.
Jenna and Lisa: That's OPAQUE!

On Fringe...

Mom: Well, why wouldn't William Bell want to meet with him one of these episodes?
Dad: He's in an alternate universe.
Mom: Oh, don't give me that crap.

On safety...

Mom: Jenna, the roads are slippery. Do you know what that means?
Jenna: Drive as fast as I can to avoid slipping.

On cuteness...

Lisa: Did you just hiccup and tug your pants up at the same time?
Laura: Yup. Wasn't it adorable?

On non-surprises...

Snape: I'm the half-blood Prince.
Mom: Well that's a surprise! Looks around. To all of us, I think!

On language...

Laura: That bastard!
Dad: Laura! Watch your mouth, you jackass!

On indigenous species...

Mom: It's a Walmart Bird!

On stinks...

Mom: Hey, Muffin! You smell like a fart.

On appearances...

Jenna: Kara, you look homely.
Laura: You mean she looks homeless.
Jenna: shakes head
Laura: Oh, you're going with homely, huh?

On the line...

Kara: Jenna, your lips are valumptuous!
Laura: Make out with Kara.
Lisa: Wow. Too far.
Laura: I streaked past the line. Wooo!

On surprises...

Jenna: Oh! There's a baby down my shirt!

On being scammed...or something else?

Adam: Man. Sometimes I am all about calling people about being screwed.

On names...

Adam teaching Noah everyone's name...
Adam: Do you know what Daddy's name is?
Noah: I don't know.
Adam: What does Mommy call me sometimes?
Noah: Idiot?

On dinner...

Lisa: Noah, what do you want for dinner?
Noah: French fries.
Jessie: Shocker.
Noah: Don't shock me! I'm a friend!

On sweet dreams...

Noah: Goodnight, Jocelyn! Have good dreams!
Lisa: Aww, that was nice, Noah. What do you dream about?
Noah, muttering: Shut. Up.

On appetite...

Watching The Biggest Loser "...you have 206 lbs of excess hydrated fat..."
Lisa: This show makes me hungry.