On Wow-Wear...

Lisa: Ugh! Stop saying Wow-Wear!
Laura: I'm gonna wear Wow-Wear on my wedding day. And on my wedding night.

On hybrids...

Jenna: She looks like a stripper crossed with a ballerina.
Lisa: Stripperina.
Laura: Balleripper.

On resemblances...

Lisa: Ugh! She looks like a Duggar with makeup.
Kara: What's a Duggar?

On chatter...

Kara: This one sucks. I mean it's awesome, but I've already seen it. What else is on? Is that Four Weddings show on? I'm going to bed soon.
Lisa: Shut up!

On giving...

Kara: So ladies, want to donate to my Red Cross cause?
Laura: I'll give you a high five. Or a pat on the back. Or a smack on the butt.
Jenna: I'll match that.

On specifics...

Laura: That girl is UGLY.
Lisa: Yes.
Kara: We are bitches.
Pause.
Jenna: I'm trying to figure out what part of her face makes her so ugly.
Laura: I think it's the whole combination.

On options...

Kara: I need new bras. One of them is ripped and falling apart, and one of them is... the other one.

On ambient music...

Mom: Where do you even get music like this?
Laura: Just go to Australia and hit record.

On projectiles...

Kara: Hey Lisa, can you grab me mom's nail file from that top draw- oh! I just got hit in the face with one of my toenails!

On wedding television...

Laura: She looks really pretty. And she's the ugly one.
Laura continues talking.
Jenna, to Kara: That's what we'll be saying at her wedding.

On loyalty...

Laura: Jenna - switch seats with me so you and Lisa can share the dessert.
Jenna: Or I can stay here and have a little of everything. I don't wanna commit to just one dessert.
Laura: Don't ever get married.

On suction cup glass markers...

Mom: They like to stick to a glass with alcohol in it.
Jessie: Yeah, who doesn't?

On performance...

Jessie: You're fired. Get away from my children.
Mom: Oh, I've been fired so many times I don't even hear the words anymore.

On misdirection...

Mom tried to direct Grandma to a recipe website, but left out a hyphen which apparently led to some sort of adult entertainment website.
Mom: She didn't see any chocolate muffins.
Lisa: You'd see a different kind of chocolate muffins on that kind of site.
Mom: Well, I just sent my parents to a porn site. That's. Just. Great.

On junk...

Jessie: I like showing off my junk when I work out.
Mom: My seam moves around.
Jessie: That means your junk is lopsided.
Mom: My junk is straight on! Rick, they're talking about my junk! And they're not being very nice about it!

On technology...

Mom: Lisa, are you tagging your twitter to post and flicker... nevermind. You look confused. This is clearly over your head.

On desertion...

Mom: Hey, where is everybody going?
Jenna: Mom, I'm right here.
(Pause.)
Mom: Hey, where are all the good people going? 

On drinking ages...

Mom: Ooh! Ooh! Jocelyn's got rum!

On changing allegiences...

Kara: Noah, that baby used to be mine. Her name was Nicole.
Noah: Kara. Hey, Kara. She doesn't like you.
Kara: I raised her!

On fashion...

Jenna: I'm supposed to wear a dress to dinner with my friends tonight.
Lisa: My friends don't have dress codes.
Mom: It's cold though! Wear a sundress with a turtleneck under it. That's your fashion tip of the day. You'll get another one tomorrow.