On time...

Mom: How long does it take for you to get ready?

Laura: Um, four hours.

Mom: Well take five so you look good.

On exports...

Laura: What's with all the Mormon billboards in Indy? "I'm a Mormon!" "I'm a Mormon!"

Mom: We grow them. Like crops. 

Laura: Ah yes. The two exports of Indiana, corn and Mormons. Cormans.

On drool...

Noah is blowing raspberries at Myla.
Laura: Be careful, you're spitting on her. She doesn't like spit.
Noah: Yes she does. She drools all the time.

On flocks...

Laura, getting in hot tub: Aah! I've got goosebumps in places I didn't even know I had geese!

On cooties...

Adam: That's coming. Every day I walk into work past Lily and I just think, "What are you doin' in there? Biological warfare?"

On secrets...

Tim Gunn: The designers and I will go shopping, we will have thirty minutes at Spandex House. 

Laura: Don't ever let Mom know that exists.

On iRespect...

Laura and Lisa try to get Kara to say inappropriate things to her iPhone.
Kara: No! I just got her! Stop trying to make me talk to Siri wrongly!

On good-byes...

Mom: Good night bitches, and sweet dreams.

On fans...

Mom, while watching IU game: Do you see Kara? She usually doesn't have a shirt on.

On Happy Feet...

Mom: I want to see that penguin movie. What's it called? Funny feet? No, it's an emotion. Laughing feet. No. Happy feet!

On accidents...

Laura pours milk and it goes everywhere. 
Mom: Oh you... special girl.

On loves...

Kara: I love whales. Whales and apes. Love 'em.

On stopping it...

Jenna: Hey! Quit creepin'!
Mom: I'll creep if I want to!

On gifts...

Jenna: Santa gave me a zit for Christmas.

On canines...

Mom: What's a Snoop Dogg?

On breakfast plans...

Dad: Is Jessie making her cinnamon rolls for Christmas morning again?
Jenna: Well you made yourself sick off of them last year so do you really want them?
Dad: Damn straight I do.

On beeps...

Dad: What is that NOISE?

Kara: My phone when I get a text. And I obviously can't turn it off cause I can't turn off my popularity, Rick!

On the depot...

After a discussion about toy trains set up to run around the perimeter of a room..
Kara: How do they do that?
Laura: They put a track up by the ceiling on a shelf.
Kara: Oh. I thought it was upside down, and then... physics was breaking in my head.

On cupcakes...

Laura: I hate that they probably started with someone making a cake in a cup. Holds out imaginary cupcake. "Here's a cake in a teacup." "Screw you."

On ideas...

Kara: What if we all just started doing bodily functions to start a band?