On E...

Mom: Kara, you have to see Myla. She dances now.

Lisa: Yeah, Jessie says she gets out of control and knocks herself over. Then she gets up and hugs everyone. Actually, she might be on ecstacy. Could she be on ecstacy?

On relationships...

Kara: Jenna just buys me stuff. It's great. I love that about our relationship.

On takebacks...

Mom: Yeah, I hugged him. I wish I hadn't. You can't take hugs back. I wish you could. 

On cellular swearing...

Mom: My phone doesn't know the word bitch. It always writes 'birch.' Can you teach it bitch?

Lisa fixes phone.

Lisa: There you go. Bitch away.

On beetles...

Lisa: It looks like a stag beetle.

Jenna: A WHAT beetle?

Lisa: Stag.

Jenna: Oh I thought you said stab. Stag is much better.

On saviors...

Kara finds the missing blueberries.
Lisa: Kara! You saved the day.
Kara: I always do. I honestly always do.

On shaking it...

Mom: It is so much easier to shake a salad... than your groove thing. You can quote me.

On skills...

Mom: You all can have side careers! Lisa, publishing books. Jessie and Jenna, photography...
Jenna: Laura and Kara don't have anything to offer.
Mom: Laura pole dances on Saturdays.

On deceptive names...

Lisa: Do you know who Flavor Flav is?
Jenna: I would be really impressed if she does.
Mom: Is it a dessert?

Lisa looks up a picture to show her.

Mom: Makes a shocked face. So he's a viking?

On space...

Mom: I got pants that say "Colts" on the rear.
Dad: Does it say "Indianapolis Colts?"
Mom: No, you ass. There wasn't room for-
Dad: "The Indianapolis Colts?" "2006 World Champion Indianapolis Colts?"
Mom: I hate-
Jenna: It has the roster too.
Mom: ...you idiots.

On hinders...

Kara turns to leave.Laura: Oh, Kara you have a hole in your butt.
Kara: I do?
Laura: Yes. Everyone does.
Kara: You're an asshole.
Laura: That's what I'm talking about!

On eggs...

Dad: Laura is the worst person to cook eggs for.
Laura, in a sing-song voice: High standards? Or picky?
Dad, in a sing-song voice: Or pain in the ass?

On accents...

Lisa speaks in a questionable British accent.
Silence.
Lisa: Sorry. I'm not sure what that accent was.
Laura: Yeah, it went in and out.
Lisa: It was a medley.

On fiestas...

Laura: I hate that it's a Mexican reception.
Lisa: I think you mean recepción.

On who you are...

Myla's in her highchair, eating and watching the dogs play.
Mom: Myla, what are those doggies doing? Look at those doggies!
Misty hears this and leaps up to bark, thinking Mom is warning her about other dogs.
Mom: Misty! Idiot! You are the doggies!

On feels...

Mom is petting a sheep at the State Fair.
Mom: You feel like the worst kind of blanket.

On sheep rearing...

Mom is petting a sheep at the State Fair.
Mom: Oh, you are the nicest sheep. You were raised right.

On grossness...

Jenna: Ugh, my toenail is all scraggly.
Dad: Ew, Jenna. TMI.
Jenna: That's TMI? Oh, I could tell you way more gross things about myself.

On Olympic silliness...

Laura: Isn't it kind of silly that people do this? The Olympics and fireworks and whatnot?
Lisa: Isn't it weird that humans can't just do nice fun stuff like this and making great movies and being nice instead of having wars and stuff like that?
Laura: No, because we don't agree. And we have to prove we're right by killing them.

On Olympic torch semantics...

Laura: Is that it? Is that going to light something else?
Kara: No, that's the torch.
Laura: Because it looks like a bunch of sticks on fire.
Kara: What do you think a torch is?
Laura: ONE stick on fire.