On humor...

(Jessie finishes telling a bathroom-related story)
Lisa: Wow. How old are you?
Jessie: I like poop jokes.

On prom dresses...

Jenna: Isn't this dress too expensive?
Mom: It's okay. We never had to buy one for Laura.

On likes...

Laura: Hey guys, know what I like? Really wide, flat big-screen tvs.
Lisa: Oh. Hey guys, know what I like? Really big piles of money.

On Superbowls...

Lisa: So, you've been alive for all the Superbowls. What's that like?
Dad: It's been all right.
Mom: What did they do before they had the Superbowl?
Dad: Well... they didn't have a Superbowl.

On thinking...

Laura: I don't really want one of those. They're too rectangular.
Lisa: What do you want? An octahedral camera? Yeah. Think about that.
Laura: ...I can't.

On scents...

Jenna: Look at the purse I got at Victoria's Secret! And it came with these lotions and stuff, in the scent I like.
Lisa: What is it, 'Eau de Whore'?
Mom: (smells the lotion) No, it's 'Slut.'
Lisa: Wow. I think that's the first time you'll be added to the website for being funny, not stupid.

On being cool...

Mom: Kara, drinking doesn't make you cool! You think I drink because I'm cool? No, I drink because I have five kids and they drive me insane!

On ambiguity...

Lisa: Yeah, well. My car just has an 'S,' so it can stand for anything I want it to. Super. Sexy.
Dad: Stupid.
Lisa: Shut up.

Lake Cumberland - Day Three

Lisa: Look- that's the cave I'll live in if I ever become a pirate.
Kara: Way up there?
Lisa: Yeah, it has to be hard to get to or the other pirates will steal my booty.
Kara: Booty?
Lisa: Yeah. Loot. Swag. Stuff I steal- booty.
Kara. Oh. I wanna be a pirate.

Kara: Look! I'm a water spider!

Laura: You just kicked her crack!
Mom: You kicked my anus!
Kara: No, I kicked your ass!

Laura: Yeah I'm never wearing that [bridesmaid dress] again.
Mom: Well you could. You could just wear the top, with some jeans. Like the store lady said.
Laura: That would look ridiculous.
Mom: I think it would look bitchin'.

Kara: Laura, you should get a Southern accent. They're cute.
Jenna: Yeah, anything to help.

Kara: Is it normal to look forward to eating?
Laura (at the same time as Lisa): It's normal for fat people.
Lisa (at the same time as Laura): It's normal for Laura.

Laura: Hey guys, look! It's a TOE-HAWK!




Laura: No, no! It's a COCKA-TOE!

On sister bonding...

Jenna: Know what I really really want?
Lisa: For me to care what you're going to say next?

On songs...

Kara: This song makes me feel like I'm Jell-O!

On competition...

Mom: (about a 2 year old boy at our house for the day) ...and he ate a whole grilled cheese sandwich!
Jenna: So? I can do that.

On getting what you want...

Kara: Make chocolate chip cookies!
Dad: All you do is make demands.
Kara: Shut up.

On secret pockets. . .

Kara: Seriously I could fill this blister up with soda and drink from it!

Lake Cumberland 2005 - Day Two

Mom: Who wants to skinny dip?
Laura: You're not allowed to and I'm not interested.

Laura: Even when I shower I don't feel clean.
Kara: That's my motto, too. So I don't shower at home.

Mom: Now I know how the ugly duckling feels.

Laura: Why dive when you can flop in like a dead cow?

Kara (excitedly): What if it was Simon Cowell? And we got his autograph?
Laura: I wouldn't want his autograph. I'd wanna sing for him.

Laura: What color are your eyes?
Kara: I have eyes that change color according to my surroundings.
Laura: That's ugly.

Kara: I'm just puttin' my tube up here, but I reckon everyone'll be inside soon.

Lake Cumberland 2005 - Day One

Kara: Guess whose foot can fit through somebody's crack?

Kara: I could be in the circus.

Lisa: What kind of detergent does she use?
Kara: I think she uses Downty.

Small boys on the houseboat docked next to ours honk their horn incessantly
Dad: Boy, I hope they don't park near us.
Lisa: Really? Cuz I hope their boat sinks. C'mon, we were all thinkin' it."

On gradations of wrong...

Kara: Illegal's not that bad.

On non-friends...

Laura: (to puppy about the cat) She'll maul you, and then vomit on your carcass. For that is the way of the Siamese.

On weeding out the uglies...

Kara: I'm so glad Jessie's not a Kinsley anymore. Now we're all pretty!

On that song...

Lisa: What is this guy singing? Oh Chariot?
Kara: Yeah, why?
Lisa: Because that's just... stupid.
Kara: Why?
Lisa: Chariots? The two-wheeled jobs the Romans used to ride around in?
Kara: No! They're those things that are pulled by horses.
Lisa: We're talking about the same thing.
Kara: Then we're on the same page here.