On bras...

Jessie: Have you ever seen a 'D' bra?
Lisa: Yeah, it's like a couple of feed bags.

On The X-Files Movie...

Mom: That's why you never go down a hole. Don't go down there! Right, Rick? 'Cuz you think they're your friends and then they cover it with dirt! Ugh.


Mom: That's why any corn that's not frozen in a bag is dangerous.


Mom: Yeah, asses! I never saw 'ass' pluralized like that. I like it. It's like 'gases.'


Mom: You guys, I can't stay up this late! In a half an hour, I'm the Easter Bunny!


Mom: He's not gonna kill you. He likes you! That's why he told you everything and helped you find Scully. Well, I don't know. He might blow your brains out.


Lisa: Hey, Jenna- do you know what GPS stands for?
Jenna: Global... positioning...
Jessie: PSYCHO! Heh.


Mom: Why don't you keep your aliens in a nice place?


Mom: This could be going on in our own backyard and we wouldn't even know it! But I'd know it first. Because I garden.


Mom: (gasp) It's a reversal of roles! (nods knowingly)


Mom: I think it's neat that corn has tassles.


Jessie: Man, tell me some of these things before you say them!
Mom: I say weird things when I'm tired.
Lisa: You sound like you're drunk.
Mom: I'm drunk on life.

On feeding time...

Mom: (calling from her cell phone from the main floor) What are you doing?
Lisa: (in basement on her cell phone) Typing. Why?
Mom: (ten feet above Lisa's head) It sounds like gremlins eating out of a bowl.
Lisa: (a five second walk down the stairs) It sounds like what?
Mom: (seriously calling a location she is technically already at) If I ever make a movie and need sounds for gremlins eating out a bowl, I'm gonna call you.

On accessories...

Lisa: So you're buying clothes at Wal*Mart now, too?
Jessie: Yeah! It's a poncho, but it has this big ugly flower attached to it.
Lisa: Funny- I would have said that the flower had a big ugly poncho attached to it.

On natural beauties...

Kara: Wow- look how pretty I am in that picture. I don't need any makeup. Look at those eyes!

On beans...

Mom: You know, these are good cold, right out of the can.
Lisa: Gross. But that'd make you a really good hobo.
Mom: I've thought that before. Me and my beans by the side of the railroad track, carrying my stick with a hankerchief on it. Hobo Debbie.

On shoes...

Lisa: Yeah, but those shoes are ugly.
Mom: Well, some are pretty and some are ugly. Just like people. Jenna?
Jenna: Huh?