On technology...

Laura: Is that cellulite on the back of her thigh?
Lisa: I think so.
Laura: HD is amazing.

Guest Quote...

(a phone call after Kara's 4X1 relay at the state track meet)
Matt: Kara, do you realize what you did? You got on your horse and you giddied up!

On clothing...

Laura: Mom, I found the dress I want for my wedding. This, but in white.
Mom: Oh. Someone actually wore that? She's letting all her, um, junk hang out.

On disagreements...

Lisa: No.
Laura: Yes.
Lisa: Nope.
Laura: Yeah.
Lisa: You're wrong.
Laura: I'm right.
Lisa: Wrong and stupid.
Laura: Awesome and pretty.

On appetizers...

Laura: Lisa, I dropped a jar of cheese on the driveway and now there's a big puddle of cheese and broken glass! What should I do?
Lisa: Scrape it into a bowl and call it 'Danger Dip?'

On advertising choices...

Laura: What? Why does tea need kissing?

On health...

Jenna: I ate that whole cookie bouquet by myself. I think it's good for you, though. The colors add to your... organs.

On food...

Adam: Man, I wish eating took longer.
Lisa: It can, if you chew.

Some vintage wisdom...

(On the way home from updating dad's glasses from this to this.)
Mom: Rick - are you cheeks jealous that they don't get to see the road anymore?
Dad: (angry eyes.)

On a limb...

Jenna: So she just decides on a limb that she wants kids.

On fabric softener...

Laura: I like it, I just don't understand how it opens during the wash cycle.
Jessie: Yeah, I don't know either. Maybe Mom knows.
Laura: Hey Mom - how do Downy Balls work? I mean, why do they open in the washing machine and not just stay closed?
Mom: They're free.

On prom dresses...

(Laura is trying to lace up the back of Jenna's confusing prom dress.)
Jenna: Hurry up!
Mom: C'mon Laura, we want to see it!
Laura: I feel like I'm working on a Rubik's Cube!

On dating...

Jessie: Well, if Laura was dating someone that we all hated...
Laura: (leans over to Jenna)
Laura: At least I'm dating someone!

On goodness...

Mom: Am I good or what?
Dad, Jenna and Lisa: Or what.
Mom: Damn.

On survival...

Mom: That's really a shame about their pipes bursting, but at least it snowed recently. If they need water, they can just melt some snow.
Lisa: Or they could go to the store and buy a jug of water for fifteen cents.
Mom: Oh, yeah. I didn't even think of that.

On Quaker Oats commercials...

Laura: It's like Bucky Boy. You'd never intentionally bring it up, but if it happens? It's okay.

On general health...

Mom: You feeling better?
Jenna: (flashes her thong)
Mom: Oh, you are so grounded - don't think you can flash your ass at me and get away with it! You are better... there's no fooling me!

On hidden talents...

Laura: Check me out! I can throw things with my toes.

On anatomy...

Lisa: What would it be like if you didn't have kneecaps? Would you be able to walk?
Laura: No! Your knees would bend backwards.
Lisa: I think it would make you go faster.
Laura: No!
(Lisa wiggles arms to demonstrate.)
Lisa: I have a biology degree.

On animal look-alikes...

Laura: She looks like an owl.
Lisa: Who.
Laura: Meryl Streep.
Lisa: I know. I was making a joke.