On beeps...

Dad: What is that NOISE?

Kara: My phone when I get a text. And I obviously can't turn it off cause I can't turn off my popularity, Rick!

On the depot...

After a discussion about toy trains set up to run around the perimeter of a room..
Kara: How do they do that?
Laura: They put a track up by the ceiling on a shelf.
Kara: Oh. I thought it was upside down, and then... physics was breaking in my head.

On cupcakes...

Laura: I hate that they probably started with someone making a cake in a cup. Holds out imaginary cupcake. "Here's a cake in a teacup." "Screw you."

On ideas...

Kara: What if we all just started doing bodily functions to start a band?

On allergies...

Laura: What are you allergic to?
Kara I don't know.
Laura: Your eyes are all watery!
Kara: I know.
Jenna: Your nose is all red!
Kara: I know.
Laura: Your face is all ugly. Oh that's not related.

On da club...

Noah is walking around in dress-up high heels.
Laura: Ain't no shame for a child to learn stiletto.
Laura and Kara: Stiletto, pumps, in the club!
Noah: In the clubhouse!

On habits...

Jessie: Why do you keep reading [annoying girl's] blog?
Laura: I don't know. It comes up on Reader and I think, "Agh what is this son of a bitch up to?"

On the mouths of babes...

While watching Sleeping Beauty.
Laura: Aurora rhymes with Laura. Should I be called Princess Laura?
Noah: You're not a princess.
Laura; whispered: I would be if I married a prince!
Noah: There are no princes in this world!
Laura: Ain't that the truth.

On cleaning up...

Jenna sees Kara drops a sprinkle on the kitchen floor; Kara doesn't pick up the sprinkle. Or anything. Ever. Jenna looks at her, expecting her to pick it up.
Kara: What? It was me tapping. Tap dances around.

On dental hygiene,,,

Laura: What are you, retarded? Putting toothbrush on a toothpaste...shut up.

On favorites...

Laura: I love any kind of fake cheese.

On weight...

Jessie: my legs are huge and fat
Adam: Yeah.
Jessie: What did I just say?
Adam: something about your legs?
Adam gets slapped in the arm.

On legalities...

Kara pulls a bottle of wine out of the fridge.

Dad: You’re not 21!
Kara: Dad! I”m twenty. And I’m smart. (quietly) Can someone open this for me?

On skanks...

Laura: Doesn’t this teddy bear look seductive? It does! Look how it’s laying!

On changes...

Kara: I don’t think I ever went through puberty.

On dentition...

Noah: Everyone is laughing at me with their... big teeth.

On homophones...

Laura: Did you just fart?
Jenna: I burped.
Laura: Your burps sound like farts.

On timing...

Misty is barking soon after the kids have gone to sleep.

Mom: You think that’s gonna wake those kids up? Maybe in a few hours, but not now. That’s your soundest sleep. Just like Dad. I can run around the room barking and he won’t wake up.

On unexpected shininess...

Laura is angrily yelling about everything.

Kara: Why are you so greasy?
Laura: Sunscreen. And testosterone.

On arrivals...

Kara walks in the door just as Mom is complaining about packing for vacation.

Kara: Is the vacation bitch here?
Mom: Yeah, you just got here.
Lisa: She turned that right around on you.
Kara: Yes, yes she did.