On church...

Mom: Man, we just came outta church and I hate everybody. Oh- sorry. Pray for me.

On eew...

Mom: Wow! Look at this long hair that I just pulled out of my foot!

On super powers...

Mom: Who did I look like just then?
Jessie: Uh, Spiderman?
Mom: Yes. Although it would be very ironic if I was Spiderman. Because I hate spiders.
Lisa: And also because you're a woman.
Mom: That too. And I can tell you one thing, I wouldn't be flying around the city like he was in that movie if I knew my web was gonna run out. That was just stupid. I tell ya what I'd do, I'd just stay safe in my laundry room. Doin' laundry. And fft! hanging up clothes on webs. Fft! Hang. Fft! Hang. And Rick would come home, and say "Hey! I can't get in the house! The room is full of webs! And clothes." And I'd be like, "Hello! Yes, because I'm Spiderman, and I'm doing laundry!" Fft!

On blatant lies...

Jenna: How long is the Tour de France?
Kara: I don't know.
Jenna: I know, I wasn't asking you.
Kara: It's one hundred and four miles. [loud stage whisper] That's not true. I just wanna see how it will play out.

On classic stories...

Jenna: It's like one of those trees from The Thorax!
Lisa: Uh, The Lorax?

On kids...

Mom: RICK! I don't like some of the kids that we've had!

On horns...

Jenna: I don't think I've ever heard your horn. Honk it!
Lisa honks it
Jenna: Aw, that's so cute!
Lisa: No, it's not cute. It's fearsome and authoritative.
Jenna: SO cute.

On studying...

Lisa: This is why I hate helping you study.
Kara: Why?
Lisa: Because you don't know anything!

On Steinbeck...

Kara: Go read your book. Read your grapes. What's a wrath?

On movies...

...in the movie section at Target
Lisa: I wonder when the next Lord of the Rings comes out.
Jenna: Who cares- I know I'm not going to see it.

On safety measures...

Dad: Frickin' safety frickin' crap!

On sugar...

Dad: Oooh. Let's go stare at the desserts.

On groins...

Kara: This is my pimp walk.
Lisa: Funny, it looks like an 'I pulled my groin' walk.
Kara: I know what a groin is. There's two of 'em, right?

On sandwich toppings...

Kara: Know what I hate? Sauerkraut. Like when you guys eat R&Bs. I mean, BLTs.
Lisa: Actually, they're called reubens.
Jenna: I don't usually eat Rhythm and Blues.

On why I like you...

Lisa: I like you because you listen to me.
Jenna: You like me because I'm what?

On reversed roles...

Lisa: Aw, look. The student has become the teacher.
Jenna: Yup. I'm a sophomore.

On flashing lights...

[As we approach a flashing orange yield light]
Jenna: Why is that flashing? WHY ARE YOU FLASHING?!?!

On depth...

Jenna: But I can't tell... is it a sticker, or does it actually stick up from the car?
Lisa: I think it's a sticker, and it has the illusion of depth. You know, like you.
Jenna: Hey, thanks! Wait...

On good parenting...

[Mom accidently places hot food on Jenna's finger.]
Jenna: Ouch!
Mom: That was for revenge. Oh! I mean, oops!

On food titles...

Mom: Have a sweet potato, they're nature's perfect food.
Dad: The perfect food?
Mom: Yes.
Jenna: I thought that was the banana.
Mom: No, you're wrong.
Jenna: Are you sure? Oh, yeah. Bananas are nature's candy.
Lisa: No, that's raisins.
Mom: Jeez, Jenna. Get with it. Have a sweet potato.