On felines...

Laura: Not a showgirl cat, she was a can can girl cat.

On standards...

Laura: This Blizzard is gross. The cookie dough tastes like it's old and stale and powdery. Nothing is ever good enough for me.

On talky-talk...

Dad: I need my hoochy-coo.
Lisa: Your whaty-what?
Dad: The mappy thing.
Mom: It's in the flippy-flap.

On vision...

Mom: I can see air. I have to think about it though, because I see it all the time.

On allergies...

Jenna: What's guacamole?
Lisa: It's made out of avocados.
Jenna: I think that's on my list of things I can't eat. Or maybe it was on my chinchilla's list.

On egos...

Laura: Wow, Adam. How can you be so hungry all the time when you're so full of yourself?

On mono...

Laura: So, Mom. How do you feel about Jenna having mono, the kissing disease?
Mom: Well, considering the fact that Kara had it first, not too good.

On humor...

(Jessie finishes telling a bathroom-related story)
Lisa: Wow. How old are you?
Jessie: I like poop jokes.

On prom dresses...

Jenna: Isn't this dress too expensive?
Mom: It's okay. We never had to buy one for Laura.

On likes...

Laura: Hey guys, know what I like? Really wide, flat big-screen tvs.
Lisa: Oh. Hey guys, know what I like? Really big piles of money.

On Superbowls...

Lisa: So, you've been alive for all the Superbowls. What's that like?
Dad: It's been all right.
Mom: What did they do before they had the Superbowl?
Dad: Well... they didn't have a Superbowl.

On thinking...

Laura: I don't really want one of those. They're too rectangular.
Lisa: What do you want? An octahedral camera? Yeah. Think about that.
Laura: ...I can't.

On scents...

Jenna: Look at the purse I got at Victoria's Secret! And it came with these lotions and stuff, in the scent I like.
Lisa: What is it, 'Eau de Whore'?
Mom: (smells the lotion) No, it's 'Slut.'
Lisa: Wow. I think that's the first time you'll be added to the website for being funny, not stupid.

On being cool...

Mom: Kara, drinking doesn't make you cool! You think I drink because I'm cool? No, I drink because I have five kids and they drive me insane!

On ambiguity...

Lisa: Yeah, well. My car just has an 'S,' so it can stand for anything I want it to. Super. Sexy.
Dad: Stupid.
Lisa: Shut up.

Lake Cumberland - Day Three

Lisa: Look- that's the cave I'll live in if I ever become a pirate.
Kara: Way up there?
Lisa: Yeah, it has to be hard to get to or the other pirates will steal my booty.
Kara: Booty?
Lisa: Yeah. Loot. Swag. Stuff I steal- booty.
Kara. Oh. I wanna be a pirate.

Kara: Look! I'm a water spider!

Laura: You just kicked her crack!
Mom: You kicked my anus!
Kara: No, I kicked your ass!

Laura: Yeah I'm never wearing that [bridesmaid dress] again.
Mom: Well you could. You could just wear the top, with some jeans. Like the store lady said.
Laura: That would look ridiculous.
Mom: I think it would look bitchin'.

Kara: Laura, you should get a Southern accent. They're cute.
Jenna: Yeah, anything to help.

Kara: Is it normal to look forward to eating?
Laura (at the same time as Lisa): It's normal for fat people.
Lisa (at the same time as Laura): It's normal for Laura.

Laura: Hey guys, look! It's a TOE-HAWK!




Laura: No, no! It's a COCKA-TOE!

On sister bonding...

Jenna: Know what I really really want?
Lisa: For me to care what you're going to say next?

On songs...

Kara: This song makes me feel like I'm Jell-O!

On competition...

Mom: (about a 2 year old boy at our house for the day) ...and he ate a whole grilled cheese sandwich!
Jenna: So? I can do that.

On getting what you want...

Kara: Make chocolate chip cookies!
Dad: All you do is make demands.
Kara: Shut up.