On survival...

Mom: That's really a shame about their pipes bursting, but at least it snowed recently. If they need water, they can just melt some snow.
Lisa: Or they could go to the store and buy a jug of water for fifteen cents.
Mom: Oh, yeah. I didn't even think of that.

On Quaker Oats commercials...

Laura: It's like Bucky Boy. You'd never intentionally bring it up, but if it happens? It's okay.

On general health...

Mom: You feeling better?
Jenna: (flashes her thong)
Mom: Oh, you are so grounded - don't think you can flash your ass at me and get away with it! You are better... there's no fooling me!

On hidden talents...

Laura: Check me out! I can throw things with my toes.

On anatomy...

Lisa: What would it be like if you didn't have kneecaps? Would you be able to walk?
Laura: No! Your knees would bend backwards.
Lisa: I think it would make you go faster.
Laura: No!
(Lisa wiggles arms to demonstrate.)
Lisa: I have a biology degree.

On animal look-alikes...

Laura: She looks like an owl.
Lisa: Who.
Laura: Meryl Streep.
Lisa: I know. I was making a joke.

On Everest...

Mom: And they're gonna get up there, and it's gonna be cold and pointy.

On boyfriends...

Kara: So... Jenna's got another boyfriend.
Jenna: Kara!
Kara: I'm not saying it to be mean... it's lucky!

On eyes...

Kara: Jenna won't look me in the eyes, because she's afraid I'll hypnotize her into falling in love with me.

On life choices...

Kara: I don't want to run... I just want to eat!

On future programming...

Lisa: They should make a half-naked male dodgeball channel.
Laura: I'd watch it.

On neighbors...

Mom: Be thankful you live in the woods.
Jessie: Our neighbors have goats.
Adam: No, our neighbors do weird things.
Lisa: Naked things?
Mom: With goats?

Appearing for the first time...

Adam: I like teeth more than I like butts.

On final destinations...

Lisa: Go to hell.
Mom: Hey! We don't want anyone to go to hell. Well, at least not anyone in this room.

On heights...

Jenna (to Mom): Just because you're greedy and short doesn't mean you can take inches from people!

On Superman...so to speak...

Laura: WOULD HE HAVE SUPER SEX?

On felines...

Laura: Not a showgirl cat, she was a can can girl cat.

On standards...

Laura: This Blizzard is gross. The cookie dough tastes like it's old and stale and powdery. Nothing is ever good enough for me.

On talky-talk...

Dad: I need my hoochy-coo.
Lisa: Your whaty-what?
Dad: The mappy thing.
Mom: It's in the flippy-flap.

On vision...

Mom: I can see air. I have to think about it though, because I see it all the time.