On food...

Adam: Man, I wish eating took longer.
Lisa: It can, if you chew.

Some vintage wisdom...

(On the way home from updating dad's glasses from this to this.)
Mom: Rick - are you cheeks jealous that they don't get to see the road anymore?
Dad: (angry eyes.)

On a limb...

Jenna: So she just decides on a limb that she wants kids.

On fabric softener...

Laura: I like it, I just don't understand how it opens during the wash cycle.
Jessie: Yeah, I don't know either. Maybe Mom knows.
Laura: Hey Mom - how do Downy Balls work? I mean, why do they open in the washing machine and not just stay closed?
Mom: They're free.

On prom dresses...

(Laura is trying to lace up the back of Jenna's confusing prom dress.)
Jenna: Hurry up!
Mom: C'mon Laura, we want to see it!
Laura: I feel like I'm working on a Rubik's Cube!

On dating...

Jessie: Well, if Laura was dating someone that we all hated...
Laura: (leans over to Jenna)
Laura: At least I'm dating someone!

On goodness...

Mom: Am I good or what?
Dad, Jenna and Lisa: Or what.
Mom: Damn.

On survival...

Mom: That's really a shame about their pipes bursting, but at least it snowed recently. If they need water, they can just melt some snow.
Lisa: Or they could go to the store and buy a jug of water for fifteen cents.
Mom: Oh, yeah. I didn't even think of that.

On Quaker Oats commercials...

Laura: It's like Bucky Boy. You'd never intentionally bring it up, but if it happens? It's okay.

On general health...

Mom: You feeling better?
Jenna: (flashes her thong)
Mom: Oh, you are so grounded - don't think you can flash your ass at me and get away with it! You are better... there's no fooling me!

On hidden talents...

Laura: Check me out! I can throw things with my toes.

On anatomy...

Lisa: What would it be like if you didn't have kneecaps? Would you be able to walk?
Laura: No! Your knees would bend backwards.
Lisa: I think it would make you go faster.
Laura: No!
(Lisa wiggles arms to demonstrate.)
Lisa: I have a biology degree.

On animal look-alikes...

Laura: She looks like an owl.
Lisa: Who.
Laura: Meryl Streep.
Lisa: I know. I was making a joke.

On Everest...

Mom: And they're gonna get up there, and it's gonna be cold and pointy.

On boyfriends...

Kara: So... Jenna's got another boyfriend.
Jenna: Kara!
Kara: I'm not saying it to be mean... it's lucky!

On eyes...

Kara: Jenna won't look me in the eyes, because she's afraid I'll hypnotize her into falling in love with me.

On life choices...

Kara: I don't want to run... I just want to eat!

On future programming...

Lisa: They should make a half-naked male dodgeball channel.
Laura: I'd watch it.

On neighbors...

Mom: Be thankful you live in the woods.
Jessie: Our neighbors have goats.
Adam: No, our neighbors do weird things.
Lisa: Naked things?
Mom: With goats?

Appearing for the first time...

Adam: I like teeth more than I like butts.